The Right Recipe | By Alan Kissane

1. Preparation.

Begin by slowly kneading two would-be lovers together in a glass bowl.

Add a dash of beer or wine for flavouring - either is fine - but not too much and certainly not both,

It’s liable to see the mixture become clotted, acerbic, and unpleasant.

Ensure the mixture is smooth throughout, without lies or secrets.

Throw in a splash of beach holidays, pool parties and sunshine, if this is a

First adult relationship;

A common interest, sport or hobby perhaps, and a fondness for talking, if not -

This helps bind the base together:

Avoids cracking later when married/committed.

2. Cooking.

Place the mixture into a pan - suitable shared accommodation works best -

Before lightly drizzling the L word on top.

The quality of L* is key to rising and impacts the overall standard

Of the product, including its shelf life.

Do not over use.

This can cause arguments, bad temper, and bitterness, which makes swallowing pride difficult.

This dish is to be shared and savoured.

Tip out any excess jealousy or possessiveness.

Lightly heat but steer clear of additional ingredients, as it is liable to spoil and split.

3. Adding children.

Take an egg, add salt and stir well.

For perfect results add chocolate (any will do) and a dash of flour.

Place in the oven for nine minutes.

Check every couple of minutes to avoid burning.

Add to main dish when cooled.

Repeat as necessary.

4. Storage.

Ensure the mixture is placed in a sealed monogamous container to avoid contamination.

Consume within 5 days.

Do not reheat.

*Chef’s note: like a robust aging wine, the L word is best sourced from friendship and shared experience. Shop bought substitutes are liable to curdle or sour.

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Alan Kissane is a teacher of English in the East Midlands. He has a doctorate in History and has published books and articles on the Middle Ages. His work will be published in forthcoming issues of Allegro and Emerge Literary Journal this September/November.